Pope vs. Jews Wednesday, Apr 26 2006 

Jews and Moishe and Pope and Religious and Wise dils 5:06 pm

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
convert to Catholicism or leave Italy . There was a huge outcry
from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.
He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish
community.

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy.
If the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise, Rabbi Moshe
to represent them in the debate.

However, as Moshe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish,
they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moshe
sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moshe looked back and raised one finger.

Next…the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moshe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and
a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moshe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten…
that Rabbi Moshe was too clever and that the Jews could stay in Italy.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.

The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent
the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me
that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him
that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground
to show that God was also right here with us.

I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God
absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me
of the original sin.

He had me beaten at my every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile…the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moshe.

"How did you win the debate?" they asked.

"I haven't a clue," said Moshe. "First he said to me that we had
three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger!

Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews
and I said to him we're staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Moshe, "He took out his lunch so I took out mine.

 

Silly questions and answers Wednesday, Apr 26 2006 

QnA dils 5:01 pm

Q: What do you call a Chicken's Ghost?
A: poultry-giest

 

Mexican and Dick Cheney Wednesday, Apr 26 2006 

Bar and Dick Cheney and Glass and Immigration and Mexican and Political and Shooting and Tasteless dils 4:55 pm

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glass is so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

Then Dick Cheney, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his shotgun and shoots the Mexican, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."

 

Chicken Little Wednesday, Apr 26 2006 

Chicken and Farmer and Kids and School and Teacher dils 4:52 pm

The first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. Coming to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer, she read, "…and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling!'"

The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

 

Coffin …. Thursday, Apr 20 2006 

Casket and Coffin and Cough and Long Jokes dils 10:58 am

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when he hears:

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP… behind him.

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him faster…

faster…

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

on his heels the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and,

(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops!

 

Sex pop quiz Wednesday, Apr 19 2006 

QnA and Quiz and Sex dils 3:58 pm

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife,but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around. ummm

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your Dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego…
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

 

Dorm Rules Wednesday, Apr 19 2006 

College and Dorm and Fines dils 2:56 pm

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

"How much for a season pass?"

 

The Italian way of doing Maths Wednesday, Apr 19 2006 

Italian and Maths and Word Play dils 2:55 pm

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test "Here's your first question," the foreman said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Withouta numbers?" the Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of Da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"…..
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred.. So, when I start?"

 

Prostitute is like a Gas Station? Monday, Apr 17 2006 

Gas Station and Prostitute and QnA and Whore dils 10:00 am

How is a prostitute like a gas station?

Open all night, and you pay before you start pumpin'.

 

Little Johnny and a Salesman Monday, Apr 17 2006 

Little Johnny and Salesman dils 9:57 am

A salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. Nine year old Johnny answers. Little Johnny has a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.The salesman says, "Hello, are your parents here?"
The boy takes a swig of beer and flicks his cigar onto the carpet and says "what the hell do you think."

 

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