A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "This is the first time I've seen a grasshopper in here, do you know there's a drink named after you?" And the grasshopper says "Your kidding, they named a drink Irving?"
Mexican and Dick Cheney Wednesday, Apr 26 2006
Bar and Dick Cheney and Glass and Immigration and Mexican and Political and Shooting and Tasteless dils 4:55 pm
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glass is so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."
Then Dick Cheney, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his shotgun and shoots the Mexican, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
Will he jump? Thursday, Apr 13 2006
Bar and Bet and News and Suicide and Wager and blonde dils 7:15 am
Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Homer says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair is fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money….
An angry pie walks into the bar… Monday, Apr 10 2006
Anger and Bar and Pie dils 1:34 pm
and sits at the counter and orders a beer , the bartender say "hey arent you a pie " and the pie says yea why…do you want a piece of me "
Three little ducks go into a Bar…….. Friday, Apr 7 2006
Bar and Breast and Ducks dils 3:44 pm
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
A nun at Hooters…. Thursday, Apr 6 2006
Bar and Nun and Restroom dils 4:59 pm
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a Hooters Restaurant.The place was hopping with music and noise, but every
once in a while, the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" The bartender nervously replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not?" the nun asked. "Well, there is a life-size statue of a naked man in the ladies restroom, and his most private parts are covered only by a fig leaf." "Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other way." So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and cheerful noise again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She walked up to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand.
Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" "Well , because now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. "You see," laughed the bartender, "everytime the fig leaf on that statue is lifted up, the lights go out down here. Now,, how about that drink?"
