Domain Names Friday, Jun 2 2006 

I guess it is important to have a domain name that says it all. Here are some examples of unfortunate names… or maybe they have done it on purpose to attract more traffic!

Looking for a pen? Why not try Pen Island: http://www.penisland.net. So what was wrong with pen-island.net?

Do you need a therapist? Why not try http://www.therapistfinder.com? But is it therapist finder or The rapist finder?

Mole Station Native Nursery is located in New South Wales in Australia: http://www.molestationnursery.com. Not sure I would send my kids there.

Who Represents? Is a database for agents of the rich and famous: http://www.whorepresents.com …but this can also read whore presents.

Here is a site for technical IT support in Norway: http://www.tits.no.

If you need power in Italy the company Power-Gen Italia can provide it. http://www.powergenitalia.com

Oregan State University http://www.orst.edu surely is not the worst educational institution.

Learn at School Tuesday, May 9 2006 

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:

"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three… "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Ms Margo exclaimed, "Here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."

Who’s On First for the Next Generation Saturday, May 6 2006 

Who's On First for the Next Generation

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

An Italian visiting America Wednesday, May 3 2006 

Ima visiting cusin Paulo in Amareeka an' Ima stay in bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch.

So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no sheit onna my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not sheit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he calla me a sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy.

The Italian way of doing Maths Wednesday, Apr 19 2006 

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test "Here's your first question," the foreman said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Withouta numbers?" the Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of Da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"…..
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred.. So, when I start?"

Pilots and Mechanics Friday, Apr 7 2006 

Read it here -> Pilots and Mechanics

A man with one wooden eye Friday, Apr 7 2006 

goes to a dance hall where he sees a woman with a hunched back.

Trembling with fear of rejection he asks her: "Would you care to dance?"

Eagerly she responds: "Would I?"

Dejected and humiliated, the man with one wooden eye shouts: "Hunchback!"

Finally a generic …. Wednesday, Apr 5 2006 

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is naproxen , Amoxil is amoxicillin and Advil is ibuprofen.

The Food and Drug Administration has been looking for a generic name for Pfizer's "Viagra"; slidenafil citrate, 25 mg or 50 mg or 100 mg. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were mycoxafallin, mydixadud, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, dixafix and ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs," and just good old fashioned "stiff drinks."

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "Mount & Do."

Irishman Tuesday, Apr 4 2006 

What do you call an irishman out in the back yard?

Patty O'Furniture.